traumatised

after a near death experience this morning,
i'm still kinda in the stoney mode, still extremely traumatised.
red, swollen eyes from the crying,
trembling hands, thumping heart,
butterflies in my stomach.
amongst the mixed feelings, the strongest is betrayal;
i betrayed the trust that my baby gave me.

back to what actually happened this morning.
i was in a daze after the pathetic 5 hours nap.
( sleep less than 10 hours is not considered sleep)
don't ask me what i was doing the night before,
cos whatever it was, it's nothing productive.
was supposed to drop baby in school before taking his precious car away.
was about to make an exit due to the horrible morning traffic when i was scared outta my guts.
i was looking for an opportunity to cut left when i did not realise that the car right in front of me had stopped, when i look in front again to the shouts of baby, i had to swerve the car to the left immediately to avoid a crash.
the sharp swerve caused the car to swing agressively towards the left and then to the right, back to the left;
the car had lost control.
gosh.
for that brief moment, i thought i was going to die...
but thank God.

i have decided to give up driving for the time being.
it's just too scary.